I often say to my husband, friends, and professional colleagues that one of my goals in life is to surround myself with people I want to be more like. As a lifetime learner, I find that this applies to both professional and social settings. If you surround yourself with people you can learn from, you will continue to garner knowledge and develop personally as an individual. I feel that each personal and professional relationship I have had has shaped who I am as a person. Additionally, I believe that you learn something from most everyone you meet, so the possibilities for personal and professional growth are truly endless, and within everyone’s grasp.

I find it even more critical in the workplace to build relationships with those who share similar professional objectives. This may come across as selfish and it is in a way, but it’s not about mentoring or networking as much as it is about surrounding yourself with positive individuals who help you grow in an informal way. As an example, I once had a manager who had an incredibly insightful demeanor. She was a practicing Buddhist, and illustrated the values of respect, love, and compassion in everything she did. She embodied the attitude of selflessness, compassion, and goodwill. However, she was no pushover, and was very effective in her role and was a force to be reckoned with when it came to the work she was doing for the organization. While I have not sought to emulate her, I learned a great deal from her approach and put it to practice in my professional life.

In my personal life, I make it a point to learn about a variety of different types of people in order to better understand them, and to keep my mind challenged. In college, I surrounded myself with a mishmash of individuals from every age, ethnic group, country and socioeconomic background. You don’t want to surround yourself only with folks who are just like you and you don’t want people who will suck all of the energy and life out of you for their own pursuits.  It should not be untold that your personal associations can sometimes affect you professionally.  Oftentimes, it takes a long time to rebuild a professional reputation that has been harmed by actions inside or outside of work.   I would be resistant to any efforts one may have to create conflicting identities (e.g., serious and professional by day, a red faced drunk by night), as these tend to be transparent, so the best option may be to “be a better you, for you.”

So is it a good idea to have lunch every day with the office slacker? Not if you don’t want people to assume that you have a similar work ethic or approach to your work. Can you hang out with your slacker friend outside of work? Of course you can, but professional boundaries in this instance must be clear and you have to distinguish yourself from those who are not going in the same direction. Each person you encounter presents an opportunity, the opportunity to learn, grow, and develop positively or to create negative energy that will take you nowhere. It’s your life and your choice.

Choose wisely.