Ever since I was a child, I understood that there was a class system in America.  There were the “haves” and “have nots” and you knew which category you fell into.  I have always considered the middle class to be a large group with a lower middle class and an upper middle class with professional careers ranging from teachers and skilled tradespeople to attorneys.  It was a common theme amongst parents in my community to tell their children that “they” can take anything from you, but they can’t take away your education.  “They” were defined as those in society who may barrier or impede your success.  If individuals choose to abandon pursuit of knowledge, skill and/or education, why should it be society’s burden?  If someone chooses to quit their job, have 5 kids, and live off of state assistance, why must taxpayers bear the cost?  I know this sounds very Republican of me (Note: I am a registered Independent and I detest the GOP), but it seems as if every day American citizens are asked to shoulder more and more of the cost.  I’m in support of federal and state assistance for those who are not able-bodied or minded, but it boils me to see the system being used as a catch-all for those who have made poor decisions and don’t want to work for a living.

Personal accountability in our society has gone by the wayside, and now taxpayers have become the responsible parties.  Unions have now stepped in, demanding that the Employee Free Choice Act, which strips worker’s rights to a secret-ballot election, be passed in order to aid in the middle class restoration process.  Specifically, Unions are pitching it as a means to provide a “living wage” for entry-level workers that will allow them to provide for their families, oftentimes on one salary.  You’d be amazed as what is considered a living wage in communities across the country.   Pennsylvania State University has put together a living wage calculator which shows precisely how much it costs to live in different areas in the country based on your family size.  For a couple with two children in New Haven, CT, it states that the “living wage” is $28.76/hr.  This is more money than I made after my first job after graduate school in 2000.    I would never expect that I could abandon educational pursuits, pop out two or more children while working at Wal-Mart part-time.  I would also not have the expectation to receive fully paid health benefits at no cost to me with a pension that will allow me to afford a “dignified retirement” and retiree health insurance.   The entitlement culture that has been bred in America’s society only serves to deter people from the path to success.  It’s much easier to wait for someone else to give you the benefits that you have “earned” as a citizen.  As the great Homer Simpson once said, “If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers…”

I have a strong personality,I’m driven and passionate and as I’ve stated before, I have an opinion on just about anything.  I have high expectations of myself and others, which can lead to disappointment or great success.  This permeates both my work and personal life, so there are very few differences in this area.  The key difference, is that at work, I didn’t allow people to know “Mona.”  They knew Ramona, in a formal business setting and didn’t understand who I was as a person.  After I would move on to another position, the employees would invite me out to happy hour or other events and they were so surprised to see that I wasn’t this serious, “all business” person that they saw at work.  They saw a different person, and were pleasantly surprised.  However, it was too late to make amends with them professionally, as I had already left the organization.  They didn’t know me, and it was all my fault.  I put up walls and barriers, albeit unintentionally, and I lost the opportunity to develop a rapport with my work colleagues.

I’ll venture away from my personal story to help you understand my purpose of this blog post.  Most folks know that careers are about relationship building.  You have to show people who you are as a person (if that person is desirable at work, of course).  I thought it was ok to let people “in” in my personal life, but I didn’t really think that was important in my work life.  I have since changed my view as age and experience brings new wisdom.  It has also helped in my pursuit to be one happy person, both professionally and personally.  If you find yourself in a situation where you can’t be who you are in both environments, perhaps its time to pursue another job or career where you can develop your dual work/life personas into one.  It is harder in HR, where you are expected not to “mingle” with employees as you may one day have their professional fate in your hands, but many can find a careful balance and cultivate rich working relationships that will propel you to greater successes.  My goal is to manage and develop that balance.  I’m a Libra, it should come natural, right?

Successful negotiators (and managers) focus on the “it” which represents the crux of the conversation.  They don’t allow people to drift aimlessly from topic to topic without any apparent purpose.   Think of the employee who begins criticizing their own co-workers because they are being called to the carpet due to issues with attendance and punctuality.  It’s much easier to talk about Suzie’s attitude or James’ habitual lateness than focusing on one’s own issues.   Accountability sucks.  I get it.  Really, I do.

I find that as an HR professional, we often are unable to apply some of our own knowledge and skills to our own actions and behaviors either professionally or personally.  We counsel and advise managers to tread territory that we hope to never face in our own professional careers.  Honestly, its easier to tell someone how to handle an employee issue if you don’t have to communicate the message directly.  The manager is the medium, and we are often simply the coach helping the team to victory.  I on the other hand, not only apply my skills and expertise in my work life, it also seems to permeate my personal life.  The good news is that at least I don’t suffer from a dual workplace/home persona (which I’ll blog about later).  The bad news, is that I should probably draw the line somewhere.  I don’t think that commission hungry furniture salesmen who sell furniture at 400% markup is the place to start though, so I’ll have to rethink my approach in other circumstances that do not involve a financial impact.  So what is the “it” of this post?  Well, to sum it up, negotiations skills are highly valuable in many settings.  The Land of Bullshit is a crazy place that we go all to often.  And we should always strive to get to the “it” in our personal and professional lives but we should carefully consider our approach given the circumstances.

With the economy in the toilet, many folks have gotten a cruel wake up call.  Those workers who survived on luxuries such as overtime, bonuses, and generous merit increases are now struggling to pay their car notes, mortgages, and other numerous bills.  What I can’t understand is why people feel that they can determine what type of home they can afford based on their salary with overtime.  I’m all for individual accountability and I am amazed at how many people have fallen into this trap.  I’m a bit of a quasi social liberal (except when it comes to unions and handouts) but I’m not one out there blaming the lenders for people’s poor judgment and decision making.  Even before the economy took a nosedive, my husband and I made a conscious effort to buy a home back in 2004 that was far less than what mortgage lenders said we could afford.  We ran through every scenario including going from a dual-earner household to a one-earner household and put together our budget.  We never put together a budget and said, well if I get a new job and pay out my vacation time and then go to another company make 40k more a year, we can swing this.

Companies are now struggling to make their budgets and the first thing to go when business is not booming is unnecessary overtime.  The gravy train is over.  Now people are forced with the prospects of finding a second or third job, when finding even one job right now is a privilege.  Hopefully Americans will learn some tough lessons, similar to what the Baby Boomers learned in the 70s and 80s.  My message to those who blame their employer for cutting unnecessary overtime and implementing more efficient and lean processes, is to suck it up.  Honestly, if you’ve still got your job, you’re doing better than 13.2 million Americans. It’s not going away anytime soon and I’m sure you’ve learned a very important and difficult lesson in the process.

This is reason #4,232 that I plan to drive my paid off 2002 Jetta into the ground.  Figure out what you need, stop living in excess, and bring your own lunch.

I find it even more critical in the workplace to build relationships with those who share similar professional objectives. This may come across as selfish and it is in a way, but it’s not about mentoring or networking as much as it is about surrounding yourself with positive individuals who help you grow in an informal way. As an example, I once had a manager who had an incredibly insightful demeanor. She was a practicing Buddhist, and illustrated the values of respect, love, and compassion in everything she did. She embodied the attitude of selflessness, compassion, and goodwill. However, she was no pushover, and was very effective in her role and was a force to be reckoned with when it came to the work she was doing for the organization. While I have not sought to emulate her, I learned a great deal from her approach and put it to practice in my professional life.

In my personal life, I make it a point to learn about a variety of different types of people in order to better understand them, and to keep my mind challenged. In college, I surrounded myself with a mishmash of individuals from every age, ethnic group, country and socioeconomic background. You don’t want to surround yourself only with folks who are just like you and you don’t want people who will suck all of the energy and life out of you for their own pursuits.  It should not be untold that your personal associations can sometimes affect you professionally.  Oftentimes, it takes a long time to rebuild a professional reputation that has been harmed by actions inside or outside of work.   I would be resistant to any efforts one may have to create conflicting identities (e.g., serious and professional by day, a red faced drunk by night), as these tend to be transparent, so the best option may be to “be a better you, for you.”

So is it a good idea to have lunch every day with the office slacker? Not if you don’t want people to assume that you have a similar work ethic or approach to your work. Can you hang out with your slacker friend outside of work? Of course you can, but professional boundaries in this instance must be clear and you have to distinguish yourself from those who are not going in the same direction. Each person you encounter presents an opportunity, the opportunity to learn, grow, and develop positively or to create negative energy that will take you nowhere. It’s your life and your choice.

Choose wisely.

Because it was the right size, I gave up on the shoulder strap requirement (for now). I can suck it up. Besides, if I have a shoulder strap I’m more likely to knock my food around, disheveling my precious cargo. I can’t have my meticulously prepared lunches being tossed around on my hip while I’m running into work!

On the plus side, tonight I tried a few recipes from the Eating for Life Cookbook and from the Body for Life recipe website. I made the Sesame Beef Stir Fry and protein pancakes which were both excellent. I doubled the pancake recipe hoping to have 6 pancakes that I can eat throughout the week. Project fail! It kept sticking to my pan and I ended up ruining three of the six pancakes. This resulted in my late night purchase of a non-stick omelette/crepe pan from Amazon.com. I’m not a fan of Calphalon’s Commercial line, but for $24.00, I didn’t have much to lose. Besides, I’m still eying the Frittata Pan at Williams-Sonoma. I will probably buy this eventually because I love pans and I love fritattas! Anyway, here’s the pan.

1. Insulated.  This rules out grocery bags and tote bags that I have received at conferences.
2. Lead Free.  Apparently there was lead in kid’s lunch boxes?  Who knew? Explains a lot about those dorky kids who brought lunch every day to school (ha-ha).  You know the ones.
3. A decent size.  The current lunch box barely fits my container and I have to jam fruit, or additional containers in the bag.  It has to be at least 10 inches diagonally with 7-10 inches   in depth.
4. Easy to carry. This means a shoulder strap would be ideal since I carry so many things to work.
5. Aesthetically pleasing.  Something cute would be ideal…and it would be even more helpful if it is somewhat feminine.

I narrowed it down to three choices, the Built NY Extra Relish LunchTote

the Mr/Ms. Bento Stainless Steel lunch jar

and the The Spring Los Angeles Berry Bliss Large Tote

I do love that the Built NY Lunch totes are made of neoprene (the same fabric used in wetsuits) and is machine washable.  It is also stretchy so it will accommodate several different sized containers.  Now the Zojirushi Mr Bento offers a very convenient way to bring your lunch, if you bring everything in a closed container.  It is designed for the Japanese meal and definitely helps with portion control.  The Built NY tote on the other hand, is super cute, comes in many colors and people will think I’m carrying some enviro-friendly handbag, not a lunch box. The Mr. Bento resembles a camping thermos (boring) and  I read that the Mr/Ms. Bento is not to be placed in the dishwasher (um, then what do I wash it with….don’t even say my hands). I also read that they leak (ick) and they just aren’t cute. However, they have 254 reviews on Amazon.com and have a 4.5/5.0 star rating.  I also visited ebags.com, looked at L.L. Bean.com‘s bags, among others.  No dice.

I finally made the decision last night to get the Built NY Extra Relish lunch tote and clicked “Buy Online” and got a blank page.   I was devastated.  So today I went to the brick-and-mortar stores listed on the Built NY website as carrying their products.  One of them didn’t exist (hit by the recession?) and the other only had a laptop bag.  I also found a couple of the lunch bags at Staples, but they didn’t have straps.  How could they lead me on like this!  I sent an email to Built NY and hope it’s just a website glitch and they will respond and let me order the bag.  It’s not yet available on Amazon.com so for now I sit and wait.  Next week, I will bring my lunch to work in a substandard carrier. If anyone has any suggestions that will meet the criteria above, by all means, please comment! I will do a review of the finalist once I have my purchase in hand!

Update: I have recently added the Spring Los Angeles Berry Bliss Large Lunch Tote which is super cute and seems large enough to suit my needs. It also has a square bottom that would easily accommodate the square containers I use for my food. It doesn’t have a shoulder strap, but how cute are these? I might just pull the trigger on this purchase!