I have a strong personality,I’m driven and passionate and as I’ve stated before, I have an opinion on just about anything.  I have high expectations of myself and others, which can lead to disappointment or great success.  This permeates both my work and personal life, so there are very few differences in this area.  The key difference, is that at work, I didn’t allow people to know “Mona.”  They knew Ramona, in a formal business setting and didn’t understand who I was as a person.  After I would move on to another position, the employees would invite me out to happy hour or other events and they were so surprised to see that I wasn’t this serious, “all business” person that they saw at work.  They saw a different person, and were pleasantly surprised.  However, it was too late to make amends with them professionally, as I had already left the organization.  They didn’t know me, and it was all my fault.  I put up walls and barriers, albeit unintentionally, and I lost the opportunity to develop a rapport with my work colleagues.

I’ll venture away from my personal story to help you understand my purpose of this blog post.  Most folks know that careers are about relationship building.  You have to show people who you are as a person (if that person is desirable at work, of course).  I thought it was ok to let people “in” in my personal life, but I didn’t really think that was important in my work life.  I have since changed my view as age and experience brings new wisdom.  It has also helped in my pursuit to be one happy person, both professionally and personally.  If you find yourself in a situation where you can’t be who you are in both environments, perhaps its time to pursue another job or career where you can develop your dual work/life personas into one.  It is harder in HR, where you are expected not to “mingle” with employees as you may one day have their professional fate in your hands, but many can find a careful balance and cultivate rich working relationships that will propel you to greater successes.  My goal is to manage and develop that balance.  I’m a Libra, it should come natural, right?

Successful negotiators (and managers) focus on the “it” which represents the crux of the conversation.  They don’t allow people to drift aimlessly from topic to topic without any apparent purpose.   Think of the employee who begins criticizing their own co-workers because they are being called to the carpet due to issues with attendance and punctuality.  It’s much easier to talk about Suzie’s attitude or James’ habitual lateness than focusing on one’s own issues.   Accountability sucks.  I get it.  Really, I do.

I find that as an HR professional, we often are unable to apply some of our own knowledge and skills to our own actions and behaviors either professionally or personally.  We counsel and advise managers to tread territory that we hope to never face in our own professional careers.  Honestly, its easier to tell someone how to handle an employee issue if you don’t have to communicate the message directly.  The manager is the medium, and we are often simply the coach helping the team to victory.  I on the other hand, not only apply my skills and expertise in my work life, it also seems to permeate my personal life.  The good news is that at least I don’t suffer from a dual workplace/home persona (which I’ll blog about later).  The bad news, is that I should probably draw the line somewhere.  I don’t think that commission hungry furniture salesmen who sell furniture at 400% markup is the place to start though, so I’ll have to rethink my approach in other circumstances that do not involve a financial impact.  So what is the “it” of this post?  Well, to sum it up, negotiations skills are highly valuable in many settings.  The Land of Bullshit is a crazy place that we go all to often.  And we should always strive to get to the “it” in our personal and professional lives but we should carefully consider our approach given the circumstances.

I find it even more critical in the workplace to build relationships with those who share similar professional objectives. This may come across as selfish and it is in a way, but it’s not about mentoring or networking as much as it is about surrounding yourself with positive individuals who help you grow in an informal way. As an example, I once had a manager who had an incredibly insightful demeanor. She was a practicing Buddhist, and illustrated the values of respect, love, and compassion in everything she did. She embodied the attitude of selflessness, compassion, and goodwill. However, she was no pushover, and was very effective in her role and was a force to be reckoned with when it came to the work she was doing for the organization. While I have not sought to emulate her, I learned a great deal from her approach and put it to practice in my professional life.

In my personal life, I make it a point to learn about a variety of different types of people in order to better understand them, and to keep my mind challenged. In college, I surrounded myself with a mishmash of individuals from every age, ethnic group, country and socioeconomic background. You don’t want to surround yourself only with folks who are just like you and you don’t want people who will suck all of the energy and life out of you for their own pursuits.  It should not be untold that your personal associations can sometimes affect you professionally.  Oftentimes, it takes a long time to rebuild a professional reputation that has been harmed by actions inside or outside of work.   I would be resistant to any efforts one may have to create conflicting identities (e.g., serious and professional by day, a red faced drunk by night), as these tend to be transparent, so the best option may be to “be a better you, for you.”

So is it a good idea to have lunch every day with the office slacker? Not if you don’t want people to assume that you have a similar work ethic or approach to your work. Can you hang out with your slacker friend outside of work? Of course you can, but professional boundaries in this instance must be clear and you have to distinguish yourself from those who are not going in the same direction. Each person you encounter presents an opportunity, the opportunity to learn, grow, and develop positively or to create negative energy that will take you nowhere. It’s your life and your choice.

Choose wisely.